Simple Wisdom
Monk and Me
By Pat Lencioni
These days it seems that there is a “National Awareness Week” for just about every disease or cause or social issue under the sun. If you’re like me, it’s tempting to roll your eyes when you hear about something like National Kidney Stone Week. And then you meet someone who really suffers from that particular malady and you realize that every problem is, for someone, life changing.
Well, this is National Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Week, and, you guessed it, I have it! Though I have struggled with OCD as long as I can remember (as early as 5 years old), I wasn’t diagnosed with the disorder until I was 25. As a result, I spent my entire childhood and young adulthood thinking that I was either insane, extremely superstitious, or worse yet, demonically possessed. It is my hope that no other child—or anyone else for that matter—would experience what I did.
Now, the purpose of this note is certainly not to elicit sympathy for me, but rather to help more people understand OCD so that they can better diagnose it in their family members and friends and get them the support and understanding they need to avoid unnecessary anguish. And as quirky as OCD might seem after watching an episode of Monk (he’s that T.V. detective who has OCD) or that old movie “As Good As It Gets” with Jack Nicholson, it is a deceptively tortuous problem.
What really is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder? Basically, it’s an anxiety disorder marked by a disturbing tendency to have intrusive, unwanted and seemingly uncontrollable thoughts, and the need to engage in irrational and maddening acts aimed at getting relief from those thoughts. Of course, a comprehensive and more accurate medical description of OCD would require pages, but I don’t have that kind of space here. And besides, a few examples would probably help more anyway.
When I was a kid, I washed my hands whenever I touched something—anything. This is the most common, stereotypical form of the disorder. I knew it made no sense, but I couldn’t stop. I thought something bad would happen if I didn’t. That compulsion went away eventually, but there were many others. In high school, I would sometimes have to erase an entire line or page of homework and rewrite it because I had a “bad thought.” I knew this made no sense, but again, I couldn’t stop because I thought something bad would happen. When I was a young professional sometimes I would tie and untie my necktie as many as 16 times in a row (16 is an even, symmetrical number) before it felt right, which I knew made no sense? you get the picture.
These are just a few of the compulsions that I had, all accompanied by obsessions and worries. There are many, many others out there related to excessive checking (e.g. locks, appliances), seeking reassurance (“mom, are you sure this is okay?”), protecting, avoiding or ruminating. Some of the compulsions are subtle, some really quirky, but virtually all of them have a few things in common.
First, people who have OCD know that what they are doing is irrational, something that only makes the compulsion to do them all the more troubling. They don’t check things or arrange things a certain way because they want to. They feel they have to and there is nothing they’d like more than to stop.
Second, people with OCD often have a specific or vague sense that “something bad will happen” if they don’t give in to their compulsion. The death of a loved one, an ‘F’ on a test, or just something distressing.
Third, and this is a big one, people with OCD become very adept at hiding their unexplainable and potentially embarrassing behaviors. When I was finally diagnosed, some of my best childhood friends said they never noticed me performing any of my OCD rituals, which was amazing to me because I did them a lot. A lot.
This ability to hide obsessive compulsive behaviors is a big problem because it means there are millions—yes, millions—of young and old people out there who make it almost impossible for their friends and family members to discover their problem. As a result, they continue to be ashamed and confused and tortured by these irrational, exhausting thoughts and compulsions.
When someone who suffers with OCD finally learns about the disorder, they experience tremendous relief for two reasons. First, they know that there is something real causing their misery, and second, they can seek opportunities for treatment which can significantly reduce their suffering and change their lives. What is more, when parents and teachers and managers finally come to understand the silent torture that their child or pupil or employee has been enduring, they can more compassionately and appropriately deal with them, and avoid the ineffective and often destructive (though well-intentioned) words and actions that only exacerbate the pain that OCD-sufferers experience.
So, please share this information with anyone you know who might recognize some of these tendencies in themselves, their family members or their friends. A closer look may be warranted. I pray that one or more people will find relief as a result of this short message.
If you would like more information on OCD, please visit the International OCD Foundation’s website www.ocfoundation.org.